Programmed to Fail

My elementary school “educators/programmers” from first grade through sixth grade convinced me that I was very bad at math and reading.

I remember as a little girl, I loved math. I did NOT like “word problems”, but I loved long division, multiplication, fractions, and percentages.

At an early age, the “programmers” put me in a reading lab (even though I was an excellent reader) and a math lab due to the fact that I was so “bad” at it. (Insert eye roll)

The Programming was failing

When I attended junior high school, I excelled in all subjects, even though I was still placed in a reading lab.

Our school would have competitions to win ribbons and awards during pep assemblies regarding tests, class attendance, etc.

There was one test that every student took each year called the 100 Word Vocabulary test. I would get 100% every single year and win my little ribbon. Kids love a good competition.

My Hero

In the 9th Grade, my Reading Lab teacher, Ms. Shipley, pulled me to the side after class and asked me why was I there.

I told her I did not know. She said, “You are an excellent reader. You get straight A’s in my class. For the life of me, I cannot understand why they put you in here!” I replied, “I have always been in reading classes.”

Ms. Shipley looked at me with the most loving yet confused face and hands me a book. She says, “Crystal, I need you to read this paragraph to me.” I read it out loud for her and she says, “Excellent! Now tell me what you just read.”

I looked at her and looked down at the paragraph trying to find some type of subject or idea to explain what I just read. I realized I had no idea what I just read out loud. “I’m sorry. I have to read it again.” I read the paragraph again, more slowly this time, trying to remember as much information as I possibly could but to no avail.

I Have Attention Deficit Disorder

Ms. Shipley takes the book and lovingly looks at me. She says, “Crystal, you do not have a reading problem. You are an excellent reader. The problem is, you have bad reading comprehension. If you are not interested in what you are reading, you will get bored and therefore cannot retain the information.”

Ms. Shipley hugged me and reassured me that there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with me. She explained that I was intelligent and to not believe the things that were told to me in Elementary School.

How The “Programming” was Effective

From 6 years old to 11 years old, my teachers would embarrass me in front of my classmates. If I did not know the answer to a question, they would yell, grab me by my arm, shake me, and throw me in the hallway.

One horrific memory was from my first-grade teacher who had the class make fun of me just because I could not grasp the concept of 5’s, 10’s, and 100’s. This was a “thing” of hers that she did to me every single morning.

She would quiet the class and say, “Look class, watch this! Crystal, what is this?” as she held up different colored sticks without explaining to me what she was trying to teach. When I would give her the wrong answer, she would have the class laugh at me and then put my entire desk in the hallway. Yeah — brutal — especially at 6 years old.

Young children are very impressionable sponges.

A child will absorb every single thing you say, do, or inflict.

Due to this woman’s abusive behavior, she started a snowball effect of abuse with other teachers towards me (EXCEPT FOR MY SECOND GRADE TEACHER, MS. SEYMOUR. SHE WAS A SAINT!)

My third-grade teacher was a nightmare. That woman should have retired 20 years before I attended her class. My fourth-grade teacher may have not been as vicious, but narcissism was very prevalent.

By fifth grade, I did everything in my power to make my teacher respect and love me. Again, if I got a question wrong, there was a lot of yelling followed by embarrassment.

I was very shy and extremely traumatized which created a huge mental block.

Being bullied and tormented by so-called educators did a number to my fragile mind. I believed I was stupid. So in turn, I shut down.

One day my sixth-grade teacher Ms. Taylor called me up to the chalkboard to solve a problem. At this point, I despised math due to — you know — being told I was so terrible at it. I was standing in front of a bunch of preteen kids who could be just as vicious as her, needless to say, I was terrified.

I hesitated, took a deep breath, and attempted to write the answer. She heard me take a breath and saw it as disrespect. She proceeded to grab me by my arm and shake me by the shoulders. She shoved me so hard, she almost threw me to the ground! Again — brutal.

The damage was done

This programming of not being smart enough or popular enough or good enough followed me into High School where I struggled to fit in and learn anything.

The high school teachers had their personal favorites in class that they would pay attention to more. This triggered me back to elementary school. I completely shut down. Learning was no longer an option. By the grace of my destiny, I graduated.

I Am Intelligent

I finally attended college when I was 23 because I carried that burden with me.

I did not attend college after high school due to my experience with the education system. I am so grateful that I forced myself to go. By going to college, I found that I was pretty intelligent. I finished my first year with a 4.0.

It took me going to college to realize I was not the problem.

I was programmed to believe that I was not good enough.

I realized that a lot of kids like me were part of a social experiment done by the government to make us FAIL. If we fail, then we give up. If we give up, then what do we have to offer? If we have nothing to offer, then why are we even here? It is a system designed to destroy a community.

LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD

If you have a young child, please listen to them when they try to alert you to possible abuse inflicted upon them by so-called educators.

Is it just a coincidence that every single teacher in my elementary school (besides Ms. Seymour of course) humiliated me every day and made it a point to push the narrative that I was not good enough? It’s a lot to uncover when you realize that you were PROGRAMMED to FAIL.

Not every person gets a fair shake, shot, whatever you want to call it.

Some people when they are born become targeted individuals by lower-level beings who recognize who they are and see their true potential and light. Now were these so-called educators aware? Of course not. I would not give them such credit. They were tools and pawns in a game. They were used by this system to destroy a little girl’s childhood in hopes to destroy her life.

Am I a victim? I used to be.

I am victorious.

I have broken the programming. I know I am intelligent. I love geometry. I love math. I may not be a mathematician, but if I wanted to be, I could easily embrace it. I love reading. If something does not interest me, I move on because I am not wasting my precious computer we call our “brain” on corrupt programming.

Stay enlightened.